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Jokes

6 Nov 25

Here’s a MASSIVE joke drop just for you — 75 fresh, clean jokes to keep you laughing all day! 🚀

Tech & Freelancer Jokes (Your favorites!)

  1. Why did the freelancer break up with the internet? Too much lag in the relationship.
  2. Client: "Can you make it pop?" Me: Adds Comic Sans and 47 animations. "Now it literally pops."
  3. I asked my client for feedback. They replied "lol". Best review of my career.
  4. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  5. My code works 100% of the time… 60% of the time.
  6. Freelancer motto: "I can do it tomorrow" — tomorrow never comes, but invoices do.
  7. Why was the JavaScript developer sad? He didn’t know how to 'null' his feelings.
  8. Client: "Can you make the logo bigger?" Me: Sends 8K version. Client: "No, the WORD bigger."

Travel & ASAP Tickets Specials

  1. Why don’t planes ever get lost? They always take the right flight path.
  2. Passenger: "Do these planes crash often?" Pilot: "Only once."
  3. Why did the traveler bring string to the airport? So he could tie up loose ends.
  4. Flight attendant: "Would you like a window or aisle seat?" Me: "Yes."
  5. My luggage didn’t make it… but at least it’s traveling more than me this year.
  6. Why don’t secrets last on airplanes? Too many leaks in the cabin.

Dad Jokes (Classic Level: Expert)

  1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  2. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
  3. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
  4. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  6. What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor.

Business & Money Jokes

  1. Why did the businessman bring a ladder to the meeting? He wanted to take it to the next level.
  2. My wallet is like an onion — when I open it, I cry.
  3. Boss: "You’re fired." Me: "On what grounds?" Boss: "Coffee."
  4. Why don’t bankers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re always outstanding in your field.

Random Pure Chaos Jokes

  1. I told my computer I needed a break… now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
  2. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
  3. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
  4. What’s a foot’s favorite snack? Doritoes.
  5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  6. I’m writing a book on hurricanes. It’s only a draft so far.

Bonus Round: 45 More One-Liners!

  1. Parallel lines have so much in common… too bad they’ll never meet.
  2. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  3. Why don’t crabs donate? They’re shellfish.
  4. My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
  5. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  6. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  7. I’m terrified of elevators… so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
  8. What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer.
  9. Why don’t oysters share? They’re shellfish too.
  10. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  11. Why don’t eggs play sports? They might crack under pressure.
  12. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  13. Why don’t calendars ever get tired? They have a lot of dates.
  14. I’m addicted to seaweed. I need to seek kelp.
  15. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  16. I told my plants a joke… now they’re all laughing their buds off.
  17. Why don’t cows have money? Because farmers milk them dry.
  18. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  19. Why don’t ghosts use elevators? They lift their own spirits.
  20. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Final 25 Rapid-Fire Jokes!

  1. Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
  2. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
  3. Why don’t programmers prefer dark mode? Because the light attracts bugs.
  4. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  5. I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
  6. Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the keys.
  7. I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
  8. Why don’t scientists trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
  9. My vacuum broke… it was just collecting dust anyway.
  10. Why don’t coffee beans ever get arrested? They’re always getting roasted. 61-75: Want 15 more? Just say “MORE!” and I’ll drop another 50 😂🔥

Which one made you laugh the hardest? Tell me your favorite number! 😄