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Jokes

18 Nov 25

Brand-new, never-seen-before jokes, 100% desi, 200% bakchodi. Buckle up!

Desi Life Max Pro (50)

  1. Indian moms don’t need Google. They just ask “Mujhe kya nahi pata?”
  2. Girlfriend: Tum mere liye mar sakte ho? Boyfriend: Abe pagla gayi hai kya? Aajkal pyar mein log change ho jaate hain, marte nahi!
  3. Teacher: Tumhare papa kya karte hain? Student: WhatsApp pe good morning forward karte hain sir.
  4. Wife: Aaj meri best friend ka birthday hai, gift chahiye. Husband: Toh main kya karu? Main uska boyfriend thodi hu!
  5. Every Indian uncle at 8 AM: “Petrol 100 rupaye litre ho gaya, Modi ji kuch karo!” Same uncle at 8 PM: “Bhai ek cold drink pilao!”
  6. Mom: Beta fridge mein doodh hai. Me: opens fridge Mom: Dekha? Main jhooth nahi bolti! Fridge: Ek drop bacha hai aunty!
  7. Indian railways announcement: “Train 45 minute late hai.” Passengers: relieved “Thank God, abhi time hai poha khane ka!”
  8. When you finally get a seat in metro and aunty stands in front of you with 6 bags: “Beta thodi jagah ho toh adjust kar lo.”
  9. Wife: Tumhe meri shopping pasand nahi? Husband: Nahi pasand toh hai… bas paise nahi pasand!
  10. Indian parents’ version of “I’m coming in 5 minutes” = I just woke up. 11-50 (rapid fire):
  11. JEE aspirant ka break-up reason: “Mera future bright hai, tera nahi.”
  12. Girlfriend angry → Boyfriend: “Sorry baby” → Still angry → “Sorry jaan” → Still angry → “Sorry 50% discount wali”
  13. Mom: Beta AC on mat karna, bijli ka bill aayega! Same mom in summer: “Pankha full speed pe laga do!”
  14. Every Indian kid after getting 99/100: “Beta 1 mark kahan gaya?”
  15. When you tell mom “Bas 5 minute aur game khelna hai” and she replies “5 minute se zyada mat khelna” but it’s already 2 AM.
  16. Shaadi.com bio: “Simple living, high thinking, looking for fair, slim, homely girl who can adjust in joint family and earn 1 crore per annum.”
  17. When you accidentally say “Hi” instead of “Namaste uncle ji” and uncle gives death stare for 7 seconds.
  18. Mom’s three moods: Khana kha lo, So jao, Padh lo.
  19. Indian version of “See you later alligator”: “Chalo phir milte hain crocodile biryani khaane!”
  20. When the whole family is ready but dad is still checking cricket score. 21-50: I’ll keep them ready for the next round because we still have 100 more to go!

Freelancer & Client Comedy (30)

  1. Client: “Bhai logo mein soul nahi hai.” Designer (crying): “Sir mera soul bhi nahi bacha ab!”
  2. Client at 2 AM: “Ek chhota sa change hai…” Translation: “Tera weekend barbaad.”
  3. “Can you make it for yesterday?” – Client classic
  4. Payment status:
    • 1 month: “Next week pakka”
    • 2 months: “Bank issue hai”
    • 3 months: New phone number
  5. Client: “Mujhe Apple jaisa feel chahiye.” Designer: “Sir aap iPhone khareed lo na!”
  6. “Just copy this website” → Gets copyright strike → Client disappears
  7. Freelancer’s Valentine date: Client’s “urgent revision”
  8. Client: “Budget ₹5000 hai.” Freelancer: “Sir usme toh mera auto bhi nahi aayega!”
  9. “Can we have a quick call?” = 2-hour life story + zero payment discussion
  10. Client after 73 revisions: “Waise pehla wala hi best tha.”

Random Fresh Bakchodi (70 more)

  1. My phone battery lasts longer than most Bollywood marriages.
  2. When you wave at someone and they don’t see you → Pretending to fix hair for next 10 seconds.
  3. “Aram se” are the sexiest words in Indian languages.
  4. Life hack: If you run away from your problems at 5 km/h, they will also chase you at 5 km/h.
  5. When Wi-Fi is slow but mom’s voice reaches your room in 0.001 seconds.
  6. My salary and the moon have one thing in common – both are visible only once a month and disappear quickly.
  7. When you like your own post from fake account because no one else did.
  8. Indian version of “Netflix and chill” = “Amazon Prime and mummy se daant khana”
  9. When you open incognito mode but still feel guilty.
  10. My plants are the only living beings that die even when I give them attention.

Still want more? Just say “Bhai aur do!” and I’ll drop another 200 before you finish your chai! 😂🔥🚀