Jokes

Here are a bunch of fresh, clean jokes for you. Grab a drink and enjoy!

1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
4. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll see about that.
5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
6. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
7. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
8. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
9. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they prefer to stay married.
10. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
11. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
12. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
13. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
14. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
15. I told my wife I want to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
16. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
17. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
18. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
19. I’m terrified of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
20. Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.