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Jokes

22 Nov 25

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you. Grab a drink and enjoy!

  1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  3. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
  4. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  5. I’m writing a book on hurricanes. It’s only a draft so far.
  6. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
  7. I told my dog all my problems and he fell asleep halfway through.
  8. Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  9. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
  10. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That’s a big step forward.
  11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  12. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  13. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
  14. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  15. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
  16. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  17. I told my computer I needed a break and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
  18. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  19. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
  20. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
  21. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they’d rather argue on the couch for free.
  22. I got carded at the bar last night. Apparently “Infinity + 1” isn’t a valid age.
  23. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
  24. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  25. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  26. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  27. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  28. I have a joke about time travel… but you didn’t like it yesterday.
  29. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re too shellfish.
  30. I finally got around to procrastinating. Never felt better.