Jokes

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you! 😄

1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
4. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll see about that.
5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
6. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
7. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
8. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
9. I told my computer I needed a break… Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
11. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
12. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
13. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they prefer to stay in de-Nile.
14. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
15. What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor.
16. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
17. Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
18. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
19. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
20. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

Want more? I’ve got dad jokes, dark jokes, tech jokes, animal jokes… just say the word! 😂