Skip to Content

Jokes

24 Nov 25

Here’s a fresh avalanche of jokes for you! 😂

  1. I told my plants I was leaving for a week. Now they’re all in therapy for abandonment issues.
  2. My smart fridge just broke up with me. Said I wasn’t giving it enough space… in the relationship.
  3. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
  4. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  5. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  6. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That’s a big step forward.
  7. I bought a universal remote today. Now I can control the entire universe from my couch.
  8. Why don’t crabs give to charity? They’re too shellfish.
  9. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
  10. I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
  11. My dentist said my teeth are like stars… They come out at night.
  12. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  13. Why don’t skeletons use cell phones? No body to talk to.
  14. I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
  15. My vacuum cleaner just broke. It was collecting dust anyway.
  16. I told my computer I was cold. It opened Windows.
  17. Why don’t eggs trust each other? Too many shell games.
  18. I asked my French friend if he plays video games. He said, “Wii.”
  19. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but I turned myself around.
  20. My boss said, “You’ve been late 7 days this week.” I said, “But that means I’ve been early 3 days!”
  21. I told my dog all my problems. He fell asleep halfway through.
  22. Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the keys.
  23. I bought a wooden whistle… but it wooden whistle. So I got a steel whistle… but it steel wooden whistle. Then I got a tin whistle… now I tin whistle!
  24. My friend says he’s a compulsive liar. I don’t believe him.
  25. I told my wife I’ll fix the sink tomorrow. She said, “You’ve been saying that for three weeks.” I said, “Exactly—tomorrow is only 24 hours away!”