Jokes

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you – something for everyone:

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
4. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
5. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
6. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
7. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
8. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
9. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
10. I told my computer I needed a break and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
11. Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
12. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
13. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they already have each other’s patients.
14. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience.
15. My wife said I never listen… or something like that.
16. I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
17. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
18. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
19. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
20. Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

Which one made you laugh the hardest?