Jokes

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you—clean, silly, and ready to make you laugh (or groan). Enjoy!

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
4. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
5. I’m writing a book on hurricanes. It’s only a draft so far.
6. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
7. I told my computer I needed a break… Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
8. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they’d rather stay married.
9. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
10. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
11. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… But I turned myself around.
12. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
13. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
14. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
15. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
16. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
17. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
18. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
19. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
20. I’m terrified of elevators… So I’m taking steps to avoid them.