Jokes

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you — short, silly, and ready to make you groan or giggle:

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
6. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
7. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
8. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they’d rather stay married.
9. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
10. Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
11. I told my plants a joke. They didn’t laugh, but at least they photosynthesized.
12. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
13. I bought a boat because I wanted to live a little more on the edge. Now I’m broke and all at sea.
14. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
15. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
16. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
17. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
18. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.
19. I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation this year. Now it’s still giving me emotional baggage.
20. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.