Jokes

Here’s a big batch of fresh jokes for you — short, medium, and a little silly. Enjoy!

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I asked my dog what’s 2 minus 2. He said nothing.
4. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
5. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
6. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
7. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
8. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
9. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
10. Why don’t some couples go to therapy? Because they’d rather pay for divorce.
11. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
12. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
13. I’m terrified of elevators. So I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
14. What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor.
15. I told my wife I’ll stop making bad puns when I’m dead. She said, “Promise?”
16. Why don’t programmers prefer dark mode? Because the light attracts bugs.
17. I have a joke about construction. But I’m still working on it.
18. I told my plants I was leaving for vacation. They didn’t react. They’re pretty rooted in their ways.
19. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
20. I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
21. What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
22. I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
23. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
24. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
25. My vacuum broke. It was just gathering dust anyway.